When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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