The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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