Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
