remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
