I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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