it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
