Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
