are you so shy because you have an std?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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