No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
