Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
