I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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