I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
