Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
