ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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