At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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