dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
