dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
