life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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