she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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