but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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