My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
