I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
