I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They are going to name an STD after you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
