Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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