it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
