There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
