Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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