You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
