Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
