I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
