yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
