are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
