my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
