I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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