he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
