A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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