You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
