How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I supernannyed him into submission
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
