She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
