Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
