I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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