Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
