So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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