So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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