You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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