So drunk its hurt
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
