my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
