i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
