If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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