What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
