So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
