Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
3pm strippers are depressing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude. I can hear the air.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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